Hi friends. I’ve been thinking about you a lot this week.
If we sat down for coffee this week I would tell you that my mind is filled with thoughts, yet I feel as though I have nothing worthy to share.
I’m struggling with courage.
Courage to…
…. pull the trigger on some possible great opportunities. I’m scared of failure.
… start working out. I’m scared of looking dumb because I’m out of shape.
… open up and share my personal thoughts and aspirations for fear of judgment.
I’m also struggling with this unknown funk that seems to have taken over my soul this week.
If I have to be honest I think it’s because I feel like I’m failing at my relationship with my daughter.
Three has been such a difficult age for me.
My well behaved daughter is becoming non-existent and what has replaced her is this sassy little girl who talks back, purposely takes toys away from her brother and has to be told repeatedly to stop doing things she already knows she isn’t supposed to do.
But the biggest struggle of all is that at three she’s already figuring out ways to hurt my heart with her words. She will tell me that she doesn’t want me to take her to bed, or she doesn’t want to cuddle, and her favorite is, I don’t want to give you hugs mommy, go away.
and it hurts!
hurts my heart, my soul….every piece of my being.
Then after I’ve left the room and she’s realized I’m gone, she starts crying and wants me to come back, to hug me and kiss me.
I’m not going to lie, it’s hard to want to go back in.
My feelings are hurt, I feel rejected. And the broken part of me wants to teach her a lesson and tell her, “too bad, I’m not coming.”
But the mommy in me longs for her hugs, snuggles and kisses.
I get that she’s three (and a half) but I want to scream, “But, she’s three!“
Where does she learn to say things like that.
I know that being a mom takes courage.
Courage for moments like these, that I hope and pray will pass.
But I’m struggling.
I can’t help but wonder what I’m doing wrong as a mom that would make her say those things.
I need to be better…stronger…for her.
So that she knows that even though she’s going through this faze (God, please make this a faze), that I’m loving her and praying for her.
And once again I’m crying on our coffee date.
I’m so sorry friends.
If we sat down for coffee what would you share with me?
I want to hear all about your Valentine’s Day plans, what are you doing?
Love you!
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Renee "Nay" Soriano says
I am so sorry you are going through that. You know she loves you, but acting out is just scary. You don’t know if it’s always going to be like this or not, right? Well please know this IS a faze. She’ll go back to being your darling again. I promise. How do I know? My girl is eight now but she did that too and it hurt. I told her so. As a momma who has gone thru it…this too shall pass. But I’ll make an extra prayer for all of us mommies that have difficult times sometimes.
You know what, though?
I can tell you are doing a wonderful job. Know you are not alone. We mommies have to stick together:) that’s what a courage is all about. xo
Matt Castellari says
Take heart you are not failing your daughter in any way, shape or form. I know I’m not a parent but I see kids in my family say and do things like this all the time. A lot of it is things are what they hear from other kids and they think that its alright to say them, while at the same time trying to push their boundries. Its obvious she still loves you and realises what she has done once you leave the room (simply by the fact that she calls you back).. You aren’t failing!!! I’m sure you are doing a great job, keep strong and take courage, I’m sure all will be fine.
Julie B says
No worries! She’s just testing her boundaries! Go back in and give her all your mommy loving!
Andi says
wow, i could have written this post myself. my daughter just turned three and we are having the exact same struggles. so aggravating, and discouraging. thanks for sharing your heart, friend!
angielyn says
Reminds of how we treat our heavenly Father…..
crystal says
I saw this right after reading your blog this morning. Had to share…
http://www.google.com/imgres?start=14&num=10&hl=en&client=firefox-a&hs=Na4&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&biw=1366&bih=536&tbm=isch&tbnid=TSdylU0SVBonuM:&imgrefurl=http://backyardchic.blogspot.com/2010/05/powder-room-pretties.html&docid=MgK5ylnn_KsvhM&imgurl=http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_UTZSI-AV4GQ/S995DGDDNpI/AAAAAAAAASs/ZfxMAfLugeI/s1600/have%252Bfaith.jpg&w=430&h=429&ei=xqc0T9mMOum02gXg5Z33AQ&zoom=1&iact=hc&vpx=763&vpy=88&dur=663&hovh=191&hovw=208&tx=120&ty=94&sig=103291250521650864858&sqi=2&page=2&tbnh=163&tbnw=194&ndsp=20&ved=1t:429,r:4,s:14
rachel says
Did you ever hear of the terrible two’s? Well i didn’t get those,we got the terrible 3’s!
Where they push you to your breaking point and you feel like your not in control as a parent. But take care this is a faze and you and she will come out of this stronger! I love that girl! She is smart, independent and strong willed. She reminds me of her Wonderful Mother!! Whom I love. So on her bad days just love her more and remember you will get through this stage. You are a great Mom don’t ever forget that!
AbsoluteMommy says
You are doing nothing wrong! I’ve been through the terrible threes with my daughter and I have to admit it was brutal. They are not baby girls they are this preschool/teenage hybrid. I have felt and still feel many of those feelings you described. It gets better. She’s just finding and exercising independence. It’s so frustrating but also proof of her growth and self esteem. Proof that you are doing everything right in raising a healthy and smart human.
Hang in there. Write it out say your piece and in those pieces you will find courage.
Hugs
Megan
Chrissy Boerman says
thanks for having coffee with me again and girl thanks for being open and honest. i love that about you. have a great weekend. we dont have Vday plans as of yet!
monique says
don’t lose heart momma! i know exactly what you’re going through, except my son is 9. People will tell you that kids don’t mean what they say and so it shouldn’t hurt your feelings–but you know what…it’s ok if it hurts your feelings. You are only human and your feelings will get hurt. what’s important is that you don’t dwell on the feelings–give them over to God and you will feel so much better.
Shannon says
Never think you are doing anything wrong, she is just trying to see how much she could get away with. It’s the age right now and she’ll get back to this stage when she is a teenager.
All you can do is give her all the lovings you can. Hugs!
Simply Authentic says
I love your honesty and authenticity. Say what it is that’s on your heart and don’t worry about any judgment. There’s truly only one judge who matters! 🙂 And gal, I just want to give you a big hug and pour you another cup of coffee. Being a mama is HARD and it sounds like you’re just with an age that is tiring more often than not. Give her love, continue to guide her, and schedule some care time just for you. You are a GREAT mom—it’s incredibly obviously even without having met you. Sending lots of love to both of you!
Kassi @ Truly Lovely says
I’ll pray that it’s a faze for you too. Even though I’m sure it is… She’s probably just testing the waters. Seeing what mom will teach her…. I would say don’t cry friend and hand you a tissue. Then tell you we went to dinner out on Saturday to avoid the crowds tomorrow… Other than that I have a card and gift for the hubs. What are your Valentine plans?
Kait says
I’ve heard that three is the hardest toddler stage out there.
That scares me, we haven’t even hit two yet and I’m starting to FREAK out about three.
Sorry that she’s being a stinky, it will get better my friend.