Have you ever had an experienced that changed your life in a way you never imagined?
In that one moment you suddenly find yourself grasping for air.
Wondering where to turn, who to turn to.
I was 19. A sophomore in college.
I was living in Oregon at the time. Home for the weekend to spend some time with my family and fiancé and attend church.
As I drove through the winding roads leading towards home, I began to daydream of the future.
A wedding. A wedding dress ordered…. arriving at the shop ready for me to try on.
The closer I got to home the more of a pep in my step I felt. I was always relieved to come home, visit my family, get away from the demands college had to offer.
After arriving home in Salem, I checked in with my mom and headed to the gym to get in a workout. Back then, I was all about staying in shape and so I would often meet my fiancé there. He had to work late so I was on my own for a while with my thoughts. Not such a bad place to be, or so I thought at the time.
As I walked into the gym, something didn’t sit right. I couldn’t place it right away. After all, looking around I saw many familiar faces. Small town, one gym, means you get to know the people you’re working out next to.
I tried to shake it off as I began to move towards the cardio equipment. One of the guys who work at the front check in approached me. He was a friend of my fiancé’s.
Again I thought nothing of it.
As he began to speak I began to shake my head. I could feel the tears burning behind my eyes, waiting for their chance to fall.
This was, however, not the time or the place. I could feel the anger rising and my fists clenching. The stench in the air made itself know. It stunk of betrayal. Big betrayal.
My friend went on to tell me that my fiancé had been seen with working out at the gym with his ex-girlfriend. Again small town drama. She had been working out with him every night that week, but a couple nights earlier, he (my fiancé) left with her.
Got in her car, left his car, over night… AT THE GYM….left with her.
I headed home. Rationalizing that maybe it was nothing, yet the pit in my stomach told me otherwise. The piece of my heart already shattered at even the mere thought that he would even be spending time with her.
Later than night he arrived at my doorstep. I met him outside.
We sat on the stairs.
He knew something was up. I could tell he was uncomfortable.
I confronted him.
He didn’t deny it. He had been with her. Been with her in a way he shouldn’t have been with her.
In that moment…. my world crumbled.
In that moment… I told him I needed space.
A week…maybe two. To think, to pray, to decide if there was any part of me that wanted to repair this.
He left. I headed back to college a couple days later.
Broken. Struggling. Confused.
I receive mixed reviews from my friends. Some felt bad for me, they understood my feeling of betrayal, others spoke up about never liking him in the first place. Because that’s exactly what I needed to hear in that moment. Wrong!
I left my ring at home in my moms possession. So I didn’t have to stare at it and wonder, what if… what happened…. I just wanted to focus on what God had for my life.
He was relentless. Called me every day. The dorm, my cell phone, my mom. I stopped answering. The phone just kept ringing. It was like I was living in a nightmare. I couldn’t think, I couldn’t focus.
I finally picked up 4 days later. I told him I wasn’t ready to talk. He said it wasn’t good enough. He needed to know how I was feeling. I told him it wasn’t a little mistake we were talking about, something that could easily be forgotten. He had broken my trust, disrespected me and our relationship and now he couldn’t respect my need for space.
In that moment…. Clarity.
In that moment… God spoke.
He said, “let him go.”
So I did. I broke it off. He was mad. He immediately said he was on his way to my dorm to pick up the ring. I told him it was with my mom. More angry words were let loose. Then he told me he was headed to my mom’s to pick up the ring.
I said nothing. After all what was I going to do with it. I didn’t need, nor did I want this reminder.
In that moment, I felt God’s strength. I felt him meet me, right where I was at, like never before.
In that moment I knew that God’s plan for my life was greater than any guy, and that He would not let this moment define me or who I was. See it’s in those moments that God is able to work in our lives and on our hearts in powerful ways. He’s able to take those broken pieces, put them back to together and with each piece remind us of how much he loves us. And with each piece that he put back in to place I began to heal in a way that I never expected.
Did the hurt go away quickly? No way!
Remember small town relationship …. small town drama. It wasn’t long before I ran into him the first time. And a second time… third time…
But because I had taken the time…. in that moment… to let God put the pieces back together, He also gave me the strengths in those moments to be strong when I saw my ex-fiance after the breakup.
Now I’m married to an amazing man and on April 22nd, we will have been together for 9 years! Not only has God given me a wonderful husband, but also two incredible kids. I’m so glad I chose his path and trusted in faith that he would bring me what he knew I needed.
Are you having one of those moments? One that’s changing your life in a way you never expected? If you are I really hope you will let God put the pieces back together. If you need someone to talk to, someone to pray with you, for you. Email me, I’ll call you and pray for you. Anytime. After all, I love you friend, you mean the world to me. But what’s more…. is that you mean the world to our Heavenly Father!
Thanks for having coffee with me today. It’s becoming my favorite time of the week.
If you’re linking up with me, please:
1. Link to your post, not your blog.
2. Include the button above or a link back so others can join us for coffee too.
3. Visit others for coffee, after all they might need an encouraging word.
For some reason I’m having problems with my linkytools site, but if you leave your link in a comment, I will pop by and visit. Hope to get it working tomorrow.
Nat says
wow. this was one of those posts where you’re like “OH NO” …then there is the BUT GOD moment and though hurting for what you went through am blessed to know who you are today and know what an amazing hubs and family you were blessed with. BUT GOD knew what and who you really needed in your life. such a good coffee date. I may come over tomorrow to drink some together. xoxo!
tricia says
I love the “OH NO” “BUT GOD” concept. 🙂 Thanks for sharing your story! It’s amazing how the biggest hurt can be the season in our lives where God can do the biggest things in our hearts. <3
Leslie @topofthepage says
Alissa, what a story. Thank you for sharing it. You were exactly where God wanted you to be and He set your feet upon a rock! I’ve been there before too (though through different circumstances) and it was amazing how God upheld me despite how awful the season was. To know he showed up for you in the same way is really encouraging. I bet now, like me, you wouldn’t trade that season of trial in light of how much you grew closer to God. Well, I’m not certain if this qualifies for your linky, but I wanted to share this project that I’m doing this weekend to prepare for the Easter season with my family. Have a good weekend!
http://topofthepagewithleslie.blogspot.com/2012/03/weekend-project-creating-easter-garden.html
Samantha says
Ah! This is perfect. It’s a subtle reminder that anything is possible when you trust in God. I saw this quote the other day: “Two people can do anything, so long as one of them is God.” My God moment was similar. Except I had not only been daydreaming about my wedding, but our guest list was set, my dress was ready to be ordered, and the caterer was just waiting for our deposit.
My ex fiance had a little anger problem, and was starting to become hardened and ingenuine. “Everyone else” was resposible for his deep-rooted issues, and every day was a struggle to make things work. When I prayed for guidance, God’s answer wasn’t subtle. He was screaming at me to get out before it was too late. The result was ugly: lies, rumors, hatred, stalking. It was a nightmare made worse by the fact that we went to the same church, lived less than five minutes apart, and had all of the same friends. As if there was ever any doubt, God tore me from something that was not in His will and set me on the straight and narrow. Now I’m with the most wonderful, loving, supportive Christian man I’ve ever met.
God is SO good! <3
Laurel Ann says
What a powerful story! Thank you so much for sharing it this morning. It was just the reminder that I needed this morning that God can do anything and, through God, all is possible. Praise Him that you were right where you needed to be in your walk to let him take the lead. Otherwise, you might have been in a situation that was clearly not His will.
I, on the other hand, have not always let God take the lead. It’s been an uphill struggle daily. But I, too, am reminded of God’s power when I think about the way my marriage began. Even through a situation that was born of sin, God has managed to work on the hearts of my husband and myself and we are forgiven and that is a blessing. And now I am with the most perfect man for me; we support each other and we strive to help each other become better people.
God is amazing, isn’t He? Best wishes and lots of love to you today!
one-girl-vs-world.blogspot.com
rach says
wow. I could feel those emotions just reading this. I would say I’m sorry you went through this, but I know it’s part of what makes you who you are today. Thanks for sharing coffee with me!
Nay says
“In that moment I knew that God’s plan for my life was greater than any guy, and that He would not let this moment define me or who I was. See it’s in those moments that God is able to work in our lives and on our hearts in powerful ways. He’s able to take those broken pieces, put them back to together and with each piece remind us of how much he loves us. And with each piece that he put back in to place I began to heal in a way that I never expected.”
I cried and felt such emotion within me while I read that. Thank you for reminding me of His wonderful love for us.
It’s hard to share past experiences, but you did it with such grace. I liked that you are *always* real & true in what you write. We are all here for each other in big ways and little ones – all through His Grace.
Thank you, friend.
♥
Simply Authentic says
This heartfelt post left my heart both aching and appreciative. You are so right that sometimes He leads us through the most trying experiences yet He always has the ability to guide and strengthen us. My marriage is less than perfect–sometimes it’s a trial every day for me as I daily wish it was more….of just about everything one hopes for in a marriage. I’m not yet to the point though where I can walk away even though it seems that most around me wish I would….so I would be happier. Really I think God just needs us to return to Him and get closer to Him, but it’s something I struggle with daily…not just for me but how do I get my husband to that same point? In the moments where I clear my head I realize that just because I feel my marriage is lacking however—doesn’t mean that he doesn’t fulfill me in other ways. Hmmm….
I definitely appreciate your sharing however. You received the better man and your life is better off having “lost” the one who betrayed you. 🙂
Penelope Lane says
Alissa, thank you for sharing this. It is so amazing to look back on life and see how the Lord truly guides and directs us when we listen and are willing to follow. I broke off a wedding five weeks before it happened. It was hard but I can not even imagine how much harder it would have been if I had gone through with it. It scares me to think about.
Thank you for this post. Thank you for being so open and honest and so willing to pray for others. Your example is amazing. XO
Patti says
Thank you for sharing this story Alissa! It is a great reminder that no matter what happens in life that God is there to help and show us a way through. We are going through some toughness ourselves these days ( not relationship problems thankfully!!) and it really helps to know that others have gone through difficult times and come out better on the other side. Thank you for reminding me to listen to His voice.
Kassi @ Truly Lovely says
What a strong woman you are Alissa! These weekly reminders are something I really need in my life. Thanks for being such a loving and fun place on the Internet. 🙂
Hannah says
Can I just tell you again how much I love these Coffee Dates?
This is the kind of thing that makes me love them.
How many “But God” moments do we not share because getting to the “But God” moment is hard. Thank you for letting us know how good He is!
Natalie @ NS Pottery says
Wow. I can’t imagine, but I know God provides the strength when we need it. Thank you for sharing your story! You are a blessing.
Hannah says
P.S. The new Coffee Date button is adorable. You’re super cute.
Kate says
This is such a cool post! Your blog is so cute, I just found you from your post on Sew Caroline. I’m your newest follower! Have a great weekend 🙂
Kelsey says
Thanks for sharing this Alissa! I have been there… small town, cheating, and all of the feelings you are left to deal with. I feel like it was so long ago (for me), but those feelings never completely go away do they?
Ani Allen says
Alissa your one of a kind!!! Thank you so much for sharing this story. God always has a plan for us and I am glad you married such an awesome hubby and have cute kiddies that love you and support you in all you do.
xo. Ani
I link you to my post:
http://aadreamsblog.blogspot.com/2012/03/lucky-am-i-leprechaun-hunt-printable.html