Have you ever had an experienced that changed your life in a way you never imagined?
In that one moment you suddenly find yourself grasping for air.
Wondering where to turn, who to turn to.
I was 19. A sophomore in college.
I was living in Oregon at the time. Home for the weekend to spend some time with my family and fiancé and attend church.
As I drove through the winding roads leading towards home, I began to daydream of the future.
A wedding. A wedding dress ordered…. arriving at the shop ready for me to try on.
The closer I got to home the more of a pep in my step I felt. I was always relieved to come home, visit my family, get away from the demands college had to offer.
After arriving home in Salem, I checked in with my mom and headed to the gym to get in a workout. Back then, I was all about staying in shape and so I would often meet my fiancé there. He had to work late so I was on my own for a while with my thoughts. Not such a bad place to be, or so I thought at the time.
As I walked into the gym, something didn’t sit right. I couldn’t place it right away. After all, looking around I saw many familiar faces. Small town, one gym, means you get to know the people you’re working out next to.
I tried to shake it off as I began to move towards the cardio equipment. One of the guys who work at the front check in approached me. He was a friend of my fiancé’s.
Again I thought nothing of it.
As he began to speak I began to shake my head. I could feel the tears burning behind my eyes, waiting for their chance to fall.
This was, however, not the time or the place. I could feel the anger rising and my fists clenching. The stench in the air made itself know. It stunk of betrayal. Big betrayal.
My friend went on to tell me that my fiancé had been seen with working out at the gym with his ex-girlfriend. Again small town drama. She had been working out with him every night that week, but a couple nights earlier, he (my fiancé) left with her.
Got in her car, left his car, over night… AT THE GYM….left with her.
I headed home. Rationalizing that maybe it was nothing, yet the pit in my stomach told me otherwise. The piece of my heart already shattered at even the mere thought that he would even be spending time with her.
Later than night he arrived at my doorstep. I met him outside.
We sat on the stairs.
He knew something was up. I could tell he was uncomfortable.
I confronted him.
He didn’t deny it. He had been with her. Been with her in a way he shouldn’t have been with her.
In that moment…. my world crumbled.
In that moment… I told him I needed space.
A week…maybe two. To think, to pray, to decide if there was any part of me that wanted to repair this.
He left. I headed back to college a couple days later.
Broken. Struggling. Confused.
I receive mixed reviews from my friends. Some felt bad for me, they understood my feeling of betrayal, others spoke up about never liking him in the first place. Because that’s exactly what I needed to hear in that moment. Wrong!
I left my ring at home in my moms possession. So I didn’t have to stare at it and wonder, what if… what happened…. I just wanted to focus on what God had for my life.
He was relentless. Called me every day. The dorm, my cell phone, my mom. I stopped answering. The phone just kept ringing. It was like I was living in a nightmare. I couldn’t think, I couldn’t focus.
I finally picked up 4 days later. I told him I wasn’t ready to talk. He said it wasn’t good enough. He needed to know how I was feeling. I told him it wasn’t a little mistake we were talking about, something that could easily be forgotten. He had broken my trust, disrespected me and our relationship and now he couldn’t respect my need for space.
In that moment…. Clarity.
In that moment… God spoke.
He said, “let him go.”
So I did. I broke it off. He was mad. He immediately said he was on his way to my dorm to pick up the ring. I told him it was with my mom. More angry words were let loose. Then he told me he was headed to my mom’s to pick up the ring.
I said nothing. After all what was I going to do with it. I didn’t need, nor did I want this reminder.
In that moment, I felt God’s strength. I felt him meet me, right where I was at, like never before.
In that moment I knew that God’s plan for my life was greater than any guy, and that He would not let this moment define me or who I was. See it’s in those moments that God is able to work in our lives and on our hearts in powerful ways. He’s able to take those broken pieces, put them back to together and with each piece remind us of how much he loves us. And with each piece that he put back in to place I began to heal in a way that I never expected.
Did the hurt go away quickly? No way!
Remember small town relationship …. small town drama. It wasn’t long before I ran into him the first time. And a second time… third time…
But because I had taken the time…. in that moment… to let God put the pieces back together, He also gave me the strengths in those moments to be strong when I saw my ex-fiance after the breakup.
Now I’m married to an amazing man and on April 22nd, we will have been together for 9 years! Not only has God given me a wonderful husband, but also two incredible kids. I’m so glad I chose his path and trusted in faith that he would bring me what he knew I needed.
Are you having one of those moments? One that’s changing your life in a way you never expected? If you are I really hope you will let God put the pieces back together. If you need someone to talk to, someone to pray with you, for you. Email me, I’ll call you and pray for you. Anytime. After all, I love you friend, you mean the world to me. But what’s more…. is that you mean the world to our Heavenly Father!
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