You probably wouldn’t expect me to tell you that I have a sensitive soul.
And that out of that sensitivity often come tears, quick frustration, a need to defend myself and often times an inability to take risks putting myself out there.
I will always tell you there’s someone better than me.
More talented… more creative…more of a risk taker.
I will share my dreams, goals… aspirations yet I’m often too scared to take the next step forward.
Then I get frustrated and want to smack myself in the head.
If you ever hear me talking to myself, it’s because I’m most likely giving myself a pep talk.
I worry about hurting others feelings, even if my feelings have already been hurt.
There are days when I can and will cry at the drop of the hat, sometimes for no reason at all.
My feelings hurt easily, especially by my children.
I take each word or physical act of rejection personally.
I hate to punish them because it makes me sad.
Yet I know that if I don’t they will steam roll over me and that makes me sad too.
I have days when everything is going well, but self doubt consumes me all over and I find myself questioning if I’m doing the right thing for myself and for my family.
I agonize over decisions I’m making.
Make pros and cons lists in my head.
I’m like a tetter totter, one minute I’m jumping for joy and the next I’m crying over fear of failure.
I worry about the kind of people Katelyn and Brayden will be when they grow up.
Will we have taught them to stand by their morals and values?
Will they value their relationship with Christ as much as Kyle and I do?
I wonder how to foster Katelyn’s independent and stubborn spirit while at the same time opening her up to a world of people she can bless with her gifts.
Her personality draws people in and my prayer is that she can use it to lead others to Christ.
I see the same sensitive soul and need for physical and verbal affirmation in Brayden.
He will have days when he’s just “off” for no reason at all.
I can see it almost immediately in his body language and all he needs is a quiet moment filled with snuggles that only mommy can fulfill. And I love that about him.
I pray that his sensitive heart with lead him towards ministering to others and bringing people to the Lord.
I think sometimes it’s in these sensitive moments, that God is able to use us and mold us the most.
It’s in these moments when I am weak that He is able to pick me up and carry me… to encourage me… and to speak into my life.
“They are weak, but he is STRONG.” – Jesus Loves Me
Sometimes I underestimate the power of those words.
Maybe being sensitive is a good thing.
Maybe it’s good because it allows us to be vulnerable when we don’t want to be.
Maybe it opens doors for us to put others before ourselves.
And maybe, just maybe it opens our hearts to hear what God wants us to hear.
Do you ever let worry keep you from accomplishing your goals and dreams? What are you dreaming about today?
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