Is it just me or has my heart been missing from my blog lately?
It’s not purposeful.
If I shared my heart with you, I’m sure some ugliness would pour out.
Remember when I vlogged during coffee date a couple weeks ago about some people who I thought were friends hurting my feelings.
Well If I poured out my heart I would tell you that I’m still struggling to forgive.
The whole situation still makes me angry, frustrated, broken hearted.
I still feel blinded sided by the whole thing.
weeks ago…
that’s how long I vlogged about it,
as though it was no big deal + that it happened, but I was over it.
in my heart of hearts I knew I wasn’t.
weeks have gone by…
and all I have to show for myself is a lot of hours lost
hours spent being frustrated over this stupid situation.
Did I confront them?
No
I just felt they should know what they did and aren’t worthy of my friendship anymore
ugly
so so ugly
It has been the ruin of me + I’m over it.
It’s given me writer’s block.
Every time I sat down to write, it would consume my thoughts.
But see that’s the amazing thing about community.
Now that I’ve shared that I’m finally dealing with it
there’s accountability.
This past weekend, celebrating a time of gratitude, I had to take a long hard look at all the amazing things going on in my life. I have an incredible husband, who loves me in spite of my stupidity + has listen to be agonize over this whole situation for weeks with a listening ear, but no sympathy because I refused to confront those who had hurt me. Rightfully so. I have two precious children who remind us how much they love us on a daily basis with their snuggles, nose kisses and I love yous. Even typing it makes me feel overwhelmed with emotion.
Today we were shopping at the mall. It was busy in the store + I was trying on clothes. Both kids were playing on our iPhones, when through the dressing room door, out of no where, I heard Katelyn tell Kyle how much she loved him. I melted. So did the girls working at the store. I could hear them talking about how it was the most precious thing ever. Truth be told, it was. It’s the little moments.
This past weekend reminded me that they only thing I need to be doing is
coming before God with gratitude
spending time with Him daily, not just saying it, but doing it.
letting go of the ugliness because the only person it hurts is me.
In a season that reminds us to give to others in big + powerful ways, much like our Heavenly FAther gave His son, that should be our only focus. Everything else is just noise.
Do you ever struggle with things you just can’t let go of? How do you deal with letting it go?
Meagan says
I know exactly what it’s like to hold on to something that really bothers/hurts you, only to have it eat you up inside. You just have to decide if they are worth the drama/hurt feeling to have them in your life or not. I’m sorry this has happened to you, but at least you know what’s really important in your life. I hope it all works out for you one way or another!
Jenn @ The Jenn Diaries says
Oh man, I struggle with letting go. It takes me weeks to sort out my feelings and just when I finally think I’m over it and I’m moving forward, something triggers my thoughts on the situation and I’m back at square one. I don’t know why; maybe because we hold these people close to our hearts. Thanks for the reminder of coming before and focusing on Him. I’ve said it before that I’m still struggling with my Faith but I’m really starting to believe that if I continue to focus on Him, my outlook on these situations (and life) will change. You are an amazing woman, wife, and mom. Your posts always make me smile and pulls me back into reality when I’m down.
xx,
Jenn
meg @ pureandsimple says
Definitely! Forgiveness is tough and sometimes I think letting myself off the hook is even harder! I have a tendency to not give myself grace when I mess up. I’m grateful for Thanksgiving – it’s such a great season to stop and remember everything we have and refocus a bit!
Kate says
Hi There!
Found you through the Anderson Crew, and so glad I did! Forgiveness is something I’ve struggled with and I think one of the BEST things I’ve done is ask myself “What am I gaining/losing by holding onto these feelings”. Sometimes the feeling of being wronged or hurt just gets so deep into you that you have to make a conscious effort to work through the feelings.
I hope you feel better soon 🙂
xx Your Newest Follower,
Kate at ummmnowwhat.blogspot.com
Natalia says
I totally understand this! I had a rough morning with a friend of mine who is really hard on my son & seriously doesn’t understand or think/parent the same way I do. She isn’t a believer & it’s difficult to deal with and still be loving. But I totally understand about holding on to things and you’re the one hurting while they, even if they’re in the wrong, don’t even think about it! Hang in there! 🙂
Athienna says
I just happen to stumble across your blog today and this post was what I needed to hear. To hear that I am not alone in this situation. I may not know what happened to you or the details but I know the feeling of close friends hurting you beyond understanding. I have been grieving about a similar issue for almost a year. Thank you for your honesty.
Virginia says
I totally know how things can fester and explode into other areas in our lives when we are hurt. One thing I learned in my counseling group is how much I was looking to others for my worth…. I was hurt and couldn’t forgive because I was putting the situation above God. He totally has worked in me to see their hurts and how the wounded tend to wound. So hard, so so hard. Praying for you!
Kate says
Wow! My post for tomorrow is on forgiving and loving the people who hurt me. It’s hard. So, so, so hard but I’m right in believing that God has been putting this message on my heart because I KEEP FINDING IT in blogs and bible verses and my Sunday recitation of the “Our Father”. Hang in there beautiful. XOXO.
Kate @ Songs Kate Sang says
I completely relate – have you heard the song by Tenth Avenue North called Losing? It is my anthem right now! I think you’ll love it!
Katie Pritchard says
Hey girl! I don’t think I leave comments often on here (sorry!) but for some reason I came on your blog to see what you were up to…Oh, Lord. He knows me well! Can I just say I’ve been experiencing the same thing? Been hurt lately by someone, and I just couldn’t let it go! I’ve got this loyal heart that wants to cut out anyone who hurts me (or anyone I love) deep. Anyways – reading your post has softened me up a bit. I’m still trying – but you’ve given me a start! Thank you for knocking some sense into me 😉 You are such a great role model for women!
xoxo
tricia says
Oh, it’s so hard, friend. I struggle with this big time. 🙁 I pray and try to let the past hurts and wounds go but it is SO very hard. Time is usually what works for me – it softens the blow a bit. Love you, girl.