Today I’ve been wondering if you feel I’ve been “absent” from my blog lately.
Not absent in the sense of not blogging frequently, but more an absence of heart on my blog.
Last night I had a much needed conversation with a good friend of mine.
It began with one simple question, “How come you’ve been doing so many guest posts lately? I miss you, I feel disconnected from you.”
It’s funny how those simple words really hit home with me and struck a cord.
It’s been a while since I’ve shared what’s on my heart. Where I’ve opened up and let you peek into a piece of who I am. I think it’s because sometimes I wonder if you ever get sick of reading it.
{Monick, Heather, Jacqui, Mandy, Erin}
But through talking to her I realized that a part of me was missing on my blog. The part that invites openness and honesty… a safe haven for us to share with one another and help each other through our struggles.
the community
This goes back to what I’ve always loved about being a part of the blogging world.
via Livy Love Designs via Etsy
I’m going to get a little random for a minute, but bare with me.
I remember the day in high school I tried smoking.
Ugh! Such a disgusting habit and now as I look back I’m not ever sure why I thought I would even be remotely cool doing it.
I was hanging out with a group of my friends and some of the boys were doing it…
so, of course, some of us girls tried it.
Marlboro Light Menthol.
Double Ugh!!
I know, just when you thought I was perfect, right.
I remember in that moment wondering if I looked cool, if they could tell I was faking it, if my mom would know what I had done when I got home. I mean, you’re crazy to think you can cover that smell up.
I came home that day from being “cool” with my friends. My mom never said a thing so I thought I had gotten away with it.
As a result I did it again. and again. and again.
Until I hit a point where I realized that the sickening after taste and the terrible after smell weren’t making me cool and I hated the fact that I was lying to my parents.
As I sit here remembering back to those years I’m reminded of how while some things have changed, some have remained the same.
I still make decisions sometimes that will make me look “cool.”
I still try to cover up my mistakes so no one notices them, points them out or, heaven forbid, confronts me to change them.
I still worry about what others think.
But most of all instead of feeling like I’m lying to my parents I feel like I’m lying to God.
and it’s so gut wrenching.
I can’t for the life of me figure out why I behave that way.
I think it’s because I worry too much about what others will thing of me. After all, I’m human.
But I need to remember that God put the people in our lives that he knows will challenge us to be better, to do better and most of all to be who we are. They love us through our struggles, pray with us, uplift us, encourage us. A physical reminder that we need our Heavenly Father to turn from those things that cause us to feel cool for a moment and then leave us feeling empty and guilty.
He brings us a community.
Do you ever struggle with feeling this way? Have you ever made choices in your life that have left you feeling empty and guilty? How do you overcome that?
Thanks for letting me share my heart with you today.
Lauren says
I feel like that a lot. Like I feel guilty when I don’t have a lot of posts on my blog and when I just fill up space with a lame post that doesn’t have my heart. Then that falls into work life and I feel guilty about not being 100%. Thats a lot a rambling but I get how you feel!
Mandy @ in the fashion lane says
You hit the nail on the head…it’s about community, finding the connection and PRAYING through it. I read blogs of people win which I feel a connection whether it be a real life friendship, style I would die to have or a fun, free spirit that draws me in through their writing.
Your thoughts and feelings are legit and most of us feel it at times too!
Glad to see YOU back on the blog 🙂
Ko says
Hello wonderful lady! I loved reading YOUR words today! All I can say is, how amazingly loving our God is, how very awesome His grace is! There isn’t a single person on this planet that doesn’t struggle with guilt, yet with so many people feeling the exact same way it still leaves us empty and lonely. You hit the nail on the head when you wrote about community. God didn’t intend for us to go it alone. That being said I think you have done an incredible job of helping us connect to others through your guest posts. Don’t be too hard on yourself, we’ve missed you but at the same time I’m pretty sure God was still using you and this sweet blog to connect people. Do what you feel inspired to do and don’t worry about the rest!
Salena Lee @ A Little Piece of Me says
I’ve been feeling that way lately. I started my blog to reach out and inspire people with my life, the one God has molded me with. Lately I feel like I have gotten caught up with the “blogging stuff” that I don’t know what to write that is just me anymore. I wonder if anyone wants to hear what is on my heart and just my thoughts. I love that you shared this. I know that for me, I love when others are transparent, real, honest and just themselves. It helps to be relatable and know that we are not alone. I’ve been hearing that a lot lately that there has been more guest posts and giveaways rather than actual blogging going on to share our hearts and about what we are learning in life. I’m still trying to get back to that for myself. And ughh, yes, the smoking… so gross, what was I thinking?! xoxo
Miranda @ The Pinterest Project says
Ah, I think this is probably a very common struggle for a lot of women. I struggle a lot with it – and sometimes I let it take over and hide out and withdraw from people. Then I remember it’s Satan’s way of tearing me down, and breaking up the community of people who are very deliberately placed in my life by a loving Heavenly Father. You are definitely not alone! Thanks for sharing today 🙂
Kate says
I think it’s easy to get caught up with the business of being ourselves and forget about just being ourselves – and it’s not different on blogs. I struggle with losing my “voice” and my heart from time to time too. It’s wonderful when we have friends and family who can gently remind us of who we are and that we don’t need to be “cool”.
Christen DeGonzague says
Especially when you yourself are struggling, even when the situation isn’t quite the same, it is so wonderful to see others willing to share their struggles and pain and willing to share what’s going on. Because the truth is, we all care about what people think, whether we admit it or not, or whether we realise it or not. And we all make decisions based on other people, when at the end of the day, you have to live with the decision more than anyone. Decision-making is not my strong point and I don’t think I will ever be good at it, but I’m finally starting to learn that it’s a necessary part of life. Sometimes we will feel guilty and empty, but that’s part of life too.
Lena says
I LOVE this! I have been struggling a lot lately in this department. The need to be transparent and real – I have been in such a funk lately that I have actually stepped back from my blog, because I don’t want anyone to have to endure that with me. But what of through my “funk”, I become more honest and true? These are the thoughts going through my head each time I sit down to type something out…most of the time, I quit.
Jacky {The Sweetest Petunia} says
Love this openness, Alissa. I feel the same way…sometimes I feel like I blog just for the sake of blogging, and then I miss the community. I’ve been working with some lovely ladies on giveaways for the blog, and it’s been awesome just to chat, even just for a giveaway/feature. 😉
Sometimes I feel like I’m not really a part of any community. Like I just kinda hang out on the edge waiting for someone to invite me in. You know? Just sharing what’s on my heart right now. <3
Jacqui of Baby Boy Bakery says
Love your post today. I think most of us feel the same as you
I make decisions that make me seem “cool” sometimes.
Thanks for being honest and awesome.
Every encounter with you makes me feel so lucky to have you in my life.
Love you.
Daisy Girl says
I have been feeling that way lately. The sermon on Sunday was about the same thing. Funny what God uses to convict us. Thanks for your honesty.
Glad I found your blog 🙂
Julie S. says
I feel like this a LOT. I feel like I write stuff, and get no response, and then wonder WHY I am a part of this community. But, lately I have just learned to write for ME because that’s what REALLY matters.